Break Down

Fear found me
on a sunny spring day...

I was caught by surprise
as her bony fingers snaked
around my neck.

We wrestled
for control of my mind
and thoughts...
and the independence
I had once known.

In a strangle-hold
my knees grew weak
and the Self
I use to be
withered
and slowly began to die.

The world spins differently
and tilts
at odd angles
when Fear is in control.

Breathing is too hard
to bear...
my heart races a rhythm
I cannot slow.

Sleep escapes me,
floating just beyond
my grasp.

I hear echoes
in the silence
of the endless nights...
Whispers of doubt and panic
plague the edges
of my slippery
sanity.

I sweat and freeze
simultaneously.

I am at a loss
to save myself
from the darkness
that surrounds me.

I am a trapeze artist
without a safety net
swinging wildly
from perch to perch.

My body forsakes me
at all hours
with tears and trembling
and thoughts of doom
that paralyze me.

I am held hostage
by an unseen enemy.
My husband, my family,
my friends...
unable to find
the ransom
for my soul.